2007

Well, first off, I defeated that little sonuvabitch Mr. Chicken and Bacon Biscuit this morning..walked right past him and didn't even think of buying one. I can't take the heartbreak (and cholesterol, haha) of that awful piece of so-called food anymore.

So anyway.

It's now 2007. monkeyshyne, and therefore all of us, are a year older. Some might think this is a bad thing, but on the flip side, there's a silver lining. Several, actually. We're all a little wiser, for one, and we all need all the help we can get to deal with the everyday annoyance that is called "everyone in the world who is an idiot that I have to deal with", ha.

I started thinking over the holidays about 2006, and how it was a year of a lot of changes for a lot of us, both me, the rest of the guys, and a lot of people that we collectively know. Some good, some bad, some unsettling, some badass. But all in all, it was a good experience, because I learned a lot about myself, met a bunch of cool people, I didn't end up in jail (not always the case, believe it or not), didn't catch a STD, am back in school chasing a future career in something I actually might enjoy for once, moved to Dallas and am digging it so far. Oh yeah, and I get to play in a badass mother#$%^&ing rock band with three of the best dudes I've ever known, despite our occasional differences.

So, instead of stressing about this or that as much as I have the last six months due to my relatively new un-Air Force-ness, I'm gonna slow down a bit, the best I can, and smell the roses a bit more. Have more fun. Bitch less (well, ok, this will be tough, ha). Party a little harder. Rock out with my buddies as often as possible. Leave no Jaeger undrunk.

We have a couple of new songs already in the works, I've had them both stuck in my head all week. We've learned some new covers that are relatively un-monkeyshyne-ish, so don't be surprised if we pull out a song that you wouldn't expect us to...just join in the fun if we do.

later kiddos, I think I hear a Shiner calling my name.....I'm out.

why? Why? WHY???

Ok, so this morning I stopped at my favorite gas station, the QT right near Chris's house, on my way to skool. I always get a cup of coffee for the drive, and then I wandered past the little heater section where they have those pre-made breakfast sammiches and biscuits. Yep, there was my old friend, Mr. Chicken and Bacon Biscuit calling my name. I know these things are horrible, and are probably loaded with more chemicals than Jim Morrisson and Jimi Hendrix combined (when they were alive, of course), but my hand developed a mind of its own and grabbed one. Of course, once I got to driving up I-35, I realized that, despite my hopes that QT had suddenly changed the recipe or ingredients and that it might actually taste like some semblance of "chicken, "biscuit", "bacon", or any combination thereof, I was depressed to find out that it still tasted like hot buttered shit on toast.

(this is an actual picture of the 'Chicken and Bacon Biscuit' and his evil sidekicks 'Jalapeno Sausage Roll, 'Breakfast Burrito', and his step-brother-from-the-Bronx "Sausage and Egg Biscuit Yo")

So then I started thinking about other things that I do, that I KNOW I'm gonna regret, and made a list:
1. Why do I buy coffee from a gas station? It always taste like they roasted it on a dirty sidewalk.
2. Why do I continue to drink too many JaegerBombs? I know I'm gonna feel like !@#$ in the morning usually.
3. Why do I screw around the house before I have to leave somewhere, even if I know I have to leave at a given time or I'll be late, and leave two minutes after that?
4. Why do I keep working at Dumbass Customer Central, also known as IKEA? I know that at least three people per day will ask me a question or demand something so retarded, that I'm forming scar tissue on my tongue from biting it and refraining from taking them out back and giving them a good solid asskicking.
5. Why do I keep buying the aforementioned "Chicken and Bacon Biscuit" when I know that a) it resembles a doughy hockey puck and not-so-coincidentally tastes like a doughy hockey puck with some grease and salt slathered on?
6. Why do I set my alarm clocks earlier than I need to get up when I know damn well I will hit the snooze button about 6 times anyway and still get up later than I should?

I could go on, but then I would be depressed, and have to go the gas station and buy some overcooked coffee and crappy biscuits, and you would be reading about me in the Dallas obituatiries in the morning, haha. And since this is the New and Improved 2007 Keith, we will be having none of that!!!

See you soon in Tyler!

insane!

Ok, this vacation thing has gone on long enough. If we don't play a gig soon, and I mean like "This Saturday in Temple Soon", I am gonna go right off the deep end and began stabbing random passers-by with my new-for-Xmas 2007 Northrop-Grumman Pocket Attack Spork (with Armor Plating and Heat-Seeking Missile options).

Let me point out that I, the bassist and therefore Most Important Member of Monkeyshyne, have been ready to gig for the last several weeks, but the Less Important And Not Quite As Good Looking members of Monkeyshyne, also known to you as Baldilocks, Fluffy the Drummer, and My Favorite Mexican have been off gallivanting around endlessly. I will summarize....

Chris: I don't know exactly where he goes, he claims he went to California, New Mexico and Colorado, but him and his wife seem to always get hurt when they go out of town, so I think this whole "we're going snowboarding" or "visiting family" is just a cover for the fact that he and his wife are indeed a tag-team wrestling duo on some shady wrestling circuit that goes by the name "The Flying Clootchers"

Colin: He claims to go to Colorado to go camping, but by "Colorado" I think he means "Colombia" and by "camping" he means "decapitating my rival drug cartel leaders and stealing their women". He may seem like the lovable gentle giant with mad drum skills, but I think he picked up his drum skills from years of practice of beating on his rivals with lead pipes and midgets.

Oz: He says he's spent most of the time off by fixing up his house and visiting family, but I think what he's really up to is carrying on torrid affairs with Katie Holmes, Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson, and your mother...all at the same time. In a hot tub full of warm Cherry Jell-o.

Maybe I'm just bitter that I don't have any of these exciting side/alternate lives/occupations. I mean, I work at Dumbass Customer Hell, go to skool, visited my Pops and Little Bro for a few days, keep my roomie from drinking all my beer in the fridge, and pining wistfully that we get back to playing.

So *supposedly* we are playing this weekend in Temple, but until I am on the glorious beer-soaked stage at Bum's again, I won't believe it.

Chris just called. He was asking if I had any spare blue spandex lying around, maybe there's something to my theory, hmm.

I have a feeling that....

....someday, when I'm all grown up and have become the world famous Dr. Westheimer, that this would be a typical day at the office..seeing as I have a tendency to be completely random sometimes.







Anyway. So it's now 2007, and we have collectively decided that it is gonna be a good year in monkeyshyneland. We had our first practice the other day in a while, and I was kinda thinking we might be rusty, but we were sounding pretty damn good. And we're learning some new songs that we know you'll dig. So it was a good first step. Bum's on the 20th with our boys (and girl) The Opus Flux, that will be a good time and a good first gig. Especially if we can talk Oz into wearing his new Superman Underoos he got for Christmas!