FORE!

So the other day Baldilocks and I decided to go out and play some golf at a course in Lewisville....now it was one of those scorchin' hot days last week at 3 in the afternoon, I think it was a sizzlin'104 degrees out. But did that deter us? Hell No! (which is a killer older monkeyshyne song, by the way). So off we went. We knew it was gonna be interesting when we pulled up and there were literally 2 cars in the parking lot, and I think one of them was the old geezer's behind the counter...I mean, who in their right mind would play golf when it's 104 out? That's right, us!

So off we go, after getting a cart and loading up on water (we sure as hell weren't gonna walk it)...we had a blast. I crushed one of my drives out into the street on one hole. Chris hit this worm-burning line drive off the tee once that initially looked like a crappy shot, but it went straight and kept bouncing and ended up on the green (it mighta been ugly, but hey he parred the hole!). Twice I hit nice tee shots and Chris told me it went over the green, and twice I was bummed and then found my ball...on the green (need to get those eyes checked, buddy). We both made some good putts and some terrible ones, although Chris made like a 15-foot putt which was the best. I cranked another tee shot off of a cartpath and that thing ricocheted off into the woods like a squirrel on crack. Chris hit one shot way off to the side, and I went down the other side, we met on the green and he was laughing and saying it was his 7th shot to get there, oops.

In the end I beat him, 40 to 49, but I've played more than he has, once he practices some more, I can see us duking it out in Death Matches and betting money (even if just a quarter or a beer) to have trash talking rights. Golf is frigging hard and frustrating sometimes, I once threw my sand wedge into a lake (that's why I don't have one these days)....but it's also a fun way to get out and have some fun.

trading places

Seeing as The Oz and Big Sexy C are off gallivanting around TX and hindering us from playing any gigs, Chris and I were sitting around this morning talking about how that although I'm a bassist and he's a singer/guitarist, how we like to play other instruments (BAND instruments, Colin, not with your little winky)...I like playing guitar and can pull off a few things all right, and Chris loves playing drums...if you've ever seen him when he and Colin switch on part of 'Sweet Home Alabama' you will see this ear-to-ear grin on his face as he plays, haha. Colin mentioned once that he would like to play bass for one song, and he can play bass a little (as much as I play guitar or Chris plays drums), so that leaves just...Oz. Hmm, maybe we should leave him there on acoustic guitar and singing, because I'm guessing we would need at least one person to not totally suck if we switched instruments for one song and keep us on track

So I'm gonna start thinking of a song that we can switch on....maybe some Petty, or some Rush. Well, maybe Rush not so much, haha. If anyone thinks we should try this or have a song in mind, let us know!

the floor is not so comfy

Well, boys and girls, the movers have come and taken all my crap away...so I'm left in my place until tomorrow with my laptop, modem, pillow, a couple of suitcases, some cleaning supplies, and my trusty black sleeping bag that has been around the world with me. I'm not quite officially out of the Air Force, I get paid until the 27th, but I'm done with work. Kind of a weird feeling...I'm in that weird kind of unsettled transition area between the miliatary era of my life and my soon-to-be-student/rockstar part of my life. Well maybe not rockstar, how about rockmonkeystar?

But I'm finally on the way to Dallas tomorrow, pretty much for good...I have to come back one more time next week for a couple of random things, then it's good-bye AF/Temple and hello you peoples of Dallas. Well, except for the fun-as-hell Temple gigs at Bum's, like next weekend.

Please, do not alert the Dallas Police Department, as I will then have to register myself as a deadly weapon (to the ladies, that is, haha).

See ya around!

Crumbsnatchers

That's what I like to call little twerps known as small ill-behaved children. I know Oz just blogged (well maybe I should rephrase "just" as he blogs about once per two weeks if we're fortunate) about little kids, but something happened today that almost set me off.

It's not that I don't like kids...but I'm talking about the little terrors who make everyone's life miserable...and their parents do nothing to stop it.

So I'm in Walgreen's looking for a couple of odds and ends and it's right by my place....I'm in the cleaning supply aisle looking for oven cleaner (as I'm moving soon and have to clean my place up, it is not a sterile operating room as some would have you believe) as I don't feel like chiseling burnt crap off the inside of my oven. I see a mother and her little girl nearby, and the mom is paying no attention to her as she runs around pickin stuff up, throwing it back down, and screeching at the top of her voice. Argh. And then this little kid, unsupervised I might point out, comes storming down the aisle I'm in like Godzilla wading through downtown Tokyo. Said little kid reaches out and runs along the aisle with her arm out, knocking about 50 cans/bottles of assorted handy household cleaning supplies onto the floor....then stops right next to me, staring at me. I just wanted to strangle the little turd, but instead I said, "What are you doing? Go pick those up!"

So what does mini-turd do? Punches me in the knee!

Now it didn't hurt, but then she ran off, and I knew what was coming. The Dreaded Mom. Yep, here she comes, in her sweatpant-wearing glory! You know you've all seen her at 3am in Wal-Mart searching through the bargain bins, haha.

She then lectured me on yelling at her daughter....and you just knew what was coming next (if you know me at all, that is...) I just stared at her...then said "well, if you kept a better eye on your brat and if she wasn't running around the store knocking #$^@ off shelves and then punching strangers in the knee, then we wouldn't be having this conversation, now, would we?" She then stormed off in a huff, dragging little Susie Jo Monstertoddler with her.

Now, it's no secret I'm not a huge fan of small whiny children...but what I really dislike even more are irresponsible parents who let their kids run amok and misbehave and do nothing about it. I mean, when I was a kid and I did something like that, damn if my parents wouldn't give me a good whack. And guess what? It worked! Amazing concept. Now I know being a parent can be difficult and keeping an eye on your kid(s) can be impossible 24/7, but come on, at least try, will ya.















I think this would have been a suitable punishment for both parent and kid :)

Touchdown Jesus

*warning*: the following blog is meant to be light in spirit and semi-funny and NOT meant to offend anyone in any way, shape or form, and we in monkeyshyne respect everyone on the planet Earth, regardless of race, religion, nationality, age, and pickle size.

Well last night, as we were driving back the 1,398.2 miles from Tomball where we had a gig Saturday night, we hit upon an interesting topic of conversation...I won't focus on the hours and hours we all spent in a hot semi-overheating van battling humidity that would fell a mortal man, I'll leave that to someone else. I'll focus on the conversation we had coming back into Dallas at oh 6:30am, and we were all delirious due to lack of sleep, too much Red Bull, exhaust fumes, smokes, chili cheese fritos, Mountain Dew, and curly fries.

Not too far from Chris' house is Prestonwood Church. Apparently this is some huge church (remember, I don't live in Dallas yet and don't know the lay of the land too much) that has thousands of followers, a Starbuck's in the lobby (hallelujah, and pass the skim no-fat latte!) and also a $350, 000 water fountain out front. The place is huge. From a couple of miles off, it no kidding looks like some big football arena. So I ask what it is, and get the rundown on it.

After a couple of moments of semi-religious discussion, we somehow got on the subject of what if Jesus played football....would it go something like this out on the field?

(in the huddle)
Jesus: Hey guys, I think we have the Demons on the ropes...Beelzebub looks tired, and St Peter just burned Lucifer for a 12-yard gain on that last play.
John the Baptist: Yeah, I've been getting open every play, dude.
Gabriel the Angell: Me too! I've been getting off my blocks pretty well, Judas can't keep up with me.
Jesus: All right, we're down by three with a couple minutes left....hey Moses you got anything left in the tank?
Moses: Well, lugging these stone tablets around is getting tiring, but I think I can rise to the occasion one more time, fellas.
Jesus: Cool! ok here's what we're gonna do...you Apostles on the offensive line make sure to pick up the linebacker blitz, I think Pontius Pilate is gonna come around the right side and try to sack me. Abel, you do a 10-yard out pattern and see if you can pull the strong safety Cain over there so we can get Methuselah open...Moses, do you think you can part the secondary one more time?
Moses: Yes, my Lord.
Jesus: Great! Okay we'll call this play Methuselah Goes Downtown 32..let's put it together guys, and win the inaugural Good vs. Evil Bowl...on two, ready ready, break!

...and then Jesus throws a bomb to Methuselah streaking down the field (he's surprisingly nimble and fleet-footed for being 800 years old...I hear he runs a 4.4 40-yd dash). Moses throws the perfect block...Methuselah's headed for the goal...Cain comes in for the tackle, but Methuselah laterals to Jesus! It's the old Hook-And-Holy Ladder play!....and then Jesus is tackled at the goal-line by Satan himself, who had dropped back in nickel coverage! What a finish!!!!

Jesus: I so scored!
Satan: I think not, Son of God...your knee was down at the one!
Jesus: Was not!
Satan: Was too!
The Virgin Mary (referee): I think we'll have to send this one to the replay booth and let the Big Guy look at it.

(everyone waits around impatiently as God views the replay and taps their feet waiting on the Lord Almighty)

God: TOUCHDOWN!
Satan: No way!
God: Hush, or I shall smite thee!!!!

And Good would triumph over Evil and not only win the Good Vs. Evil Bowl, but go on to sign lucrative endorsement deals with Starbucks and live happily ever after.

p.s. all hate mail may be sent to the Starbuck's corporate office, they started this whole weird conversation in the van.