A Message from the New Chairmonkey of the Board
Dear readers,
As you may be aware of, former Senior Upper Management has abdicated his throne, citing numerous reasons, such as "stress" and "being busy", but I am here to reassure you he is in good health, and that by "stress" he really meant "this band stuff is cutting into my nap time" and by "being busy" he meant "it was cutting into my Karate Kid III re-run watching time". So he decided to semi-gracefully turn over day-to-day operation of the band to myself, Colin With One L, and Ozbekistan.
However, seeing as Colin With One L works two other (and much less important, I would like to point out) jobs and Oztopus immediately complained he wanted nothing to do with running the band as it would interfere with his constant pedicures and "getting his tips and highlights refrosted" (whatever the #$%^ that means), it was decided in a truly and fairly democratic decision (read: I made the call without even asking them what they thought) that I, Lord Keith, Baron von Westheimer, would become the CMO (Chief Monkeyshyne Operator) of the newly formed, Monkeyshyne Inkorparated.
And here is my genius. The former CMO constantly bitched and moaned, for example, about having to mail out posters (which I actually did half of the time, no let's make it 87.3% of the time) and the one time I leave it to him, he drops the ball faster than Lindsay Lohan's panties dropping (and that is waaaay fast, let me tell you). I, being a true Senior Upper Management type, have learned about this wonderful new management technique while I was Senior Fry Technician at Blinky Burger.......
The magic word is: Delegation!
So former CMO Christian Rawk will still be in charge of many of the previous tasks he did, he just won't have the tremendous burden of responsibility, as I will be providing positive and nurturing oversight, while I empower him to be the best he can be.
Colin with One L will be in charge of making sure that only the finest ladies will be allowed to inspect the plushness and luxury of our immense, shiny tour bus.
Oz....well...hmmm. Toughie. You will be in charge of showing up to shows, how about that? I think he can handle this okay. Oh, and making sure we're never out of hair-styling products.
I am also bringing an outside "consultant", Cliff, to be Vice President and Chief Financial Monkey. He'll be kinda like the guy from Office Space who asks, "so what exactly is it that you do?" and he will be laying down the law on all of these silly extra expenses we lay out, according to Chris, like these mysterious "gas" and "food" expenditures you were always taking out of our paychecks.
Here is a pic of my new office, hey Chris, don't forget to subtract the cost in your "spreadsheet".
Love,
your new CMO,
Keith
As you may be aware of, former Senior Upper Management has abdicated his throne, citing numerous reasons, such as "stress" and "being busy", but I am here to reassure you he is in good health, and that by "stress" he really meant "this band stuff is cutting into my nap time" and by "being busy" he meant "it was cutting into my Karate Kid III re-run watching time". So he decided to semi-gracefully turn over day-to-day operation of the band to myself, Colin With One L, and Ozbekistan.
However, seeing as Colin With One L works two other (and much less important, I would like to point out) jobs and Oztopus immediately complained he wanted nothing to do with running the band as it would interfere with his constant pedicures and "getting his tips and highlights refrosted" (whatever the #$%^ that means), it was decided in a truly and fairly democratic decision (read: I made the call without even asking them what they thought) that I, Lord Keith, Baron von Westheimer, would become the CMO (Chief Monkeyshyne Operator) of the newly formed, Monkeyshyne Inkorparated.
And here is my genius. The former CMO constantly bitched and moaned, for example, about having to mail out posters (which I actually did half of the time, no let's make it 87.3% of the time) and the one time I leave it to him, he drops the ball faster than Lindsay Lohan's panties dropping (and that is waaaay fast, let me tell you). I, being a true Senior Upper Management type, have learned about this wonderful new management technique while I was Senior Fry Technician at Blinky Burger.......
The magic word is: Delegation!
So former CMO Christian Rawk will still be in charge of many of the previous tasks he did, he just won't have the tremendous burden of responsibility, as I will be providing positive and nurturing oversight, while I empower him to be the best he can be.
Colin with One L will be in charge of making sure that only the finest ladies will be allowed to inspect the plushness and luxury of our immense, shiny tour bus.
Oz....well...hmmm. Toughie. You will be in charge of showing up to shows, how about that? I think he can handle this okay. Oh, and making sure we're never out of hair-styling products.
I am also bringing an outside "consultant", Cliff, to be Vice President and Chief Financial Monkey. He'll be kinda like the guy from Office Space who asks, "so what exactly is it that you do?" and he will be laying down the law on all of these silly extra expenses we lay out, according to Chris, like these mysterious "gas" and "food" expenditures you were always taking out of our paychecks.
Here is a pic of my new office, hey Chris, don't forget to subtract the cost in your "spreadsheet".
Love,
your new CMO,
Keith
posted by Keith at 7:23 AM
1 Comments:
THAT DELEGATION WORD. DO I GET COMPENSATED FOR THAT? SAY A PART OF THAT OFFICE SPACE OR A B-52?
JUST WONDERING????
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