Management can blow me

Dear readers (all 9 of you),

It seems that senior (and shiny bald) management of Monkeyshyne, Inc. has decided to voice a complaint about the other members of the band are not posting blogs. I, for one, say "rubbish". Because I actually try to blog at least once a week... in between working, gallivanting around Texas in RunRun the Magic Bus and bringing the rock, saving the Pygmy Dwarves of the Upper Amazon, and oh yeah taking 17 semester hours of school, I don't have much free time, but hey I wouldn't want to deprive my LEGIONS of adoring fans who would readily agree that the bassist is the hottest guy in the band. By far. I mean, I would of course never say that I was the hottest guy in the band myself, but the masses have spoken.

And, I would like to point out to senior management, I come up with something better to blog about than the word "WHY?" posted 1,813.67 times in a row (but who's counting?)

I hereby challenge Senior Shaved Head Management to a duel....rocket-launchers at 20 paces. Well, better make it 300, or we may blow each other up inadvertently, and that would be a tragedy.

Top Ten Reasons You Should....

....come see us at Firewater this weekend. 10. Colin is offering free mustache rides (ladies only, sorry)

9. We might actually have CDs and T-shirts for sale, unlike last weekend in Denton when we all forgot to load them in the van. Doh.

8. I'll shank you with the Mark-VII Attack Spork (with titanium folding bayonet and laser sight attachments) if you don't.

7. I will buy everyone a shot.

6. Let me rephrase...I will buy everyone a shot...with Chris' credit card.

5. We will be hosting a "Best Boobs" contest and since we are sure we'll get swarmed by applicants, we might need YOUR help in the hands-on judging contest.

4. You just might get to see me rocking Pinkasaurus Rex again. You never know when the last time may be....

3. Britney Spears called and challenged Chris to a "Bald Off".

2. It's Cliff's girl Gypsy's last day in the States before she moves to Mozambique or Bangladesh or wherever the hell she's moving to, so come out and par-taaaay with her before she bails

and the number one reason you should come see monkeyshyne at Firewater this Saturday night.....
(drumroll)



1. Oz promised he would get naked on stage if someone called him "Los Grande Burrito".

Tea Time

As you may have figured out, we're big supporters of the local music scene; not just because we're in it (although I'm sure it has something to do with it), but because there are so many good bands in Dallas toiling away in relative obscurity that we all feel should be on our World Monkey Tour with us....we even got to play with two of my current favorites, The Opus Flux and Paperface the other night down at Galaxy Club, in Deep Ellum.

Deep Ellum, you say? Isn't that the place where people get mugged, parking is nigh on impossible, and there are reports of packs of rabid dwarves roaming the street?


False, I say. Deep Ellum is one of those funky, cool, eclectic places that was a hotspot for bands in the area in the late 80s and through the early part of this decade. Drowning Pool, Deep Blue Something, Reverend Horton Heat, and yes even Vanilla Ice came out of Deep Ellum. When I started playing with monkeyshyne a couple of years ago, I remember the first time we went down there on a Friday night, it was full of people roaming around in the streets looking for a good time or checking out bands at one of the many cool venues down there.

When we were down there the other night at Galaxy, we noticed it was so dead down there, which sucks. A lot of places have closed down due to various reasons...Club Clearview, Trees (where Kurt Cobain once got punched by a bouncer back in the day), Fat Ted's, Dada (although reopened)...and now the Gypsy Tea Room, one of the best-known of them all is closing March 31st. This is forcing more and more bands, like yours truly, to play out in the burbs, which is not always bad (Firewater, for example), but it just sucks to see a cool area known for music go down the tubes.

So if you get a chance, get out and have a good time watching a local band, wherever they may be, so hopefully your town/neck of the woods doesn't go the way of Deep Ellum, musically.

Shake and bake!

We had one helluva weekend...played Friday night out at Click's in Tyler, and after drinking way too much and having way too much fun, we finally made it in about 3:30am back to Dallas. Then I had to work for a while on Saturday (just a bit hungover) then right back out on the road in RunRun to play at the Iron Horse in Wichita Falls. We rocked it out at both places, I spent most of yesterday just relaxing and recharging. I think I killed some brain cells this weekend, so I can't string together a lot of witty sentences, but here are some observations from this weekend:

- We all demand to now be referred to as "Package" Cloutier, "Pimpjacket" Watson, "Boots" Westheimer, and last but definitely not least, "Ozhawk" Hernandez.
- Click's makes some pretty hefty Jaeger Bombs. They'll sneak up on you.
- It was frigging cold out...especially standing out in front of Denny's in Wichita Falls at 4am.
- "Ozhawk" ate more food than I thought he possibly could at aforementioned Denny's.
- My stunt-spork made an appearance onstage at Tyler...the real Mk-VII Attack Spork (with thermonuke grenade launcher option) would never show its face in public, lest its cover get blown.
- Brother Sharp is a really good band, check them out if you get a chance to. Justin is one cool kat as well, he hung with us all the way till the last crumb of toast was gone at Denny's
- A certain unnamed member of monkeyshyne didn't think "Talladega Nights" was very funny. This gave us at least a good half hour of intense debate, killing some miles and time.
- Everyone loves my blanket. Especially "Package". He kept trying to put his hand on my leg underneath it, claiming if I couldn't physicially see it, he wasn't doing it.
- "Pimpjacket" and I had a long bass and drum solo/groove for about 3 minutes at Iron Horse. Colin ripped it up like a madman, and I was making so much badass shit up, I anointed myself "Bass Player of the...well...Forever".
- I still can't figure out how it can be 9,000 degress in the front of the van, and 9,000 below in the back seat. Weirdness.
- I rocked the pink bass twice this weekend...I have now named it "Pinkasaurus Rex".

That's about it...well, that I can remember anyway. Damn alcohol. We'll be down at Galaxy Club on Friday the 9th to support or bud Iceberg and his radio gig, RenegadeRadio.net, so come check it out, we'll be sharing the stage with our buds The Opus Flux, Orange Helicopter, and Paperface. Word, yo.