Breaking news.....

So, after years and years of speculation, the truth is finally out there. Oz's real last name is NOT Hernandez, as he's told us all these years, it's.....Zoolander. Apparently he and Derek were separated at birth, and Oz got the short end of the stick and has been toiling in relative obscurity for years.

The other night before our most badass Firewater show yet, Oz got this sparkly vacant look in his eyes, like a dog listening to an electric can opener running off in the distance. Suddenly he leaps up from the table, hauls ass across the bar and before you could say "Hey Paris, you left your thong at my house AGAIN last night", he's primping and preening in front of the camera....I shoulda known something was up when he asked Colin to paint his toenails before the show and then asked me how his frosted tips looked (I still haven't figured that out, either he's hitting on me or he has been spending too much time reading Cosmo)

He even shoved our friend Courtney out of the way and was trying to lay down his signature look, which he calls "Brown Mamba"....


Courtney looks mad...I think it might be because she's worried he might take her job. Don't worry, I don't think Oz could pull off the leg warmers, so your spot is safe, Court.

So in the future please address all correspondence for Oz to the following address...

Ozkar Zoolander
c/o Jessica Simpson's bedroom
Dallas, TX 76969
email: TheMexicanLoveSnake@Ididyourmom.com